A Case for Dating via the Internet

Personals.Yahoo.com

Believe it or not, there are some men and women who have not ventured into
internet dating yet. By not exploring this avenue, these people are missing an
important avenue for meeting wonderful men and women like themselves that are
having a hard time meeting someone decent to date through more traditional means
and their normal daily activities.

A coaching client, Sally* is a 40 year old woman who has never married and was
having no luck meeting appropriate men. She is a shy woman who dreaded singles
events and “putting herself out there”. So I encouraged her to explore her
perspectives on dating on the internet.

“It’s scary out there” came up first. She was afraid of the unknown and the
“crazies” that she would encounter during her search. Also, she was afraid of
any undesirable types who contacted her. I told her that it was a possibility
that some unstable people where on the net, however, the process of weeding out
by scrutinizing emails and talking to them on the phone would screen out most
men she would felt uncomfortable with.

“What other perspective on internet dating comes up for you?”, I asked her. She
hesitated. Then I continued with, “What would your mother think of you trying
internet dating?” She laughed and said her mother would say, “What do you have
to lose by trying?” “What would that look like?” I encouraged her further. “It’s
kind of like the nothing ventured, nothing gained perspective”.

Then, I went one step further, “What would your best friend say about you trying
internet dating?” “Oh that is easy, she would tell me to go for it!” Sally went
on, “Also, there’s a whole world out there for me to explore.” She continued to
tell me that “Go for it” perspective felt as though it was possible to meet
someone this way and that it was hopeful.

“What could be fun about dating on the internet?” I asked. “Well, I could meet
interesting people, do interesting things and go interesting places.” “So would
you say that this would be the It’s fun out there perspective for internet
dating?” “Yes, I could see that”, she confirmed.

Then, a negative thought (a gremlin) came to Sally immediately. “Aren’t only
desperate men dating via the internet?” she expressed as a concern. We then went
on to explore why someone would be dating using the internet. We came up with
the following positive reasons:

1. These men may be time constrained due to demanding jobs and family
obligations and don’t have much time for traditional ways of meeting women such
as singles events and activities.

2. Men like convenience. This is an easy way to meet appropriate women to date.

3. Men like to be efficient. The internet provides an efficient use of their
time and money. You can go to a singles event and not meet anyone. You have just
spent your time and your money without any results! Your chances seem better of
actually going on dates.

4. The internet provides a lot of information that you don’t get when meeting
someone at a bar or a singles event. It weeds through the chit chat.

5. You get to engage with someone and get to know them through emails and phone
calls before you meet them. Therefore, physical chemistry does not become the
only factor for wanting to meet someone.

6. Internet dating is a one on one vehicle. It is not like some of these meat
market singles events where you are standing around with dozens of other women
around.

7. The internet is great for shy people who don’t have an easy time at parties
and group events.

8. The internet is actively being used by all ages now, especially those 55
years and under.

After we brainstormed and uncovered these reasons for trying internet dating,
Sally seemed ready to give the internet a try. Then, one last gremlin came up
for her!

“It all sounds good, but this may take too much time for me” Sally said. “How
much time could you give to this activity during the week?” I countered. “A
couple of hours a week” she offered. “How many hours are you willing to commit
to spending on internet dating a week?” I asked firmly as her coach. She was
willing to commit to 3 hours a week.

“And what perspective do you want to take on as you go forward with this
venture?” I encouraged further. “I want to take on the go for it perspective”,
she answered. “I know you will go for it and you will be courageous about it!”
was my acknowledgement for my client that ended our session.

For more articles on internet dating go to

http://www.heartmindconnection.com/free.html

*Sally is a fictitious name. This article was written as a compilation of
several sessions with different clients at different times.

Copyright Amy Schoen 2006 Heartmind Connection, LLC